What is Sex Addiction?

One of the best and most concise explanations I have seen of sex addiction has been described by Psych Central and states that "sexual addiction is best described as a progressive intimacy disorder characterized by compulsive sexual thoughts and acts." Sex addiction is a negatively stigmatized disease that umbrellas a series of different compulsive behaviors. A sex addict may be someone compulsively addicted to sex but that is not the only description of a sex addict.

Sexual addiction tends to become an umbrella term for all compulsive engagement or avoidance of behaviors involving sex, love, or emotional attachment. As with most addictions, it is common for a sex addict to engage concurrently in both over-indulgence and deprivation behaviors. It is common for a sex addict to be sexually anorexic in their primary relationship or marriage but sexually compulsive with affair partners, prostitutes, or via pornography.

Sexual anorexia is a compulsive avoidance of sex or sex related behaviors. This might include an avoidance of relational intimacy, emotional intimacy, or physical intimacy. For many sex addicts, sexual anorexia includes an avoidance of all three that can happen on a continuum scale from total avoidance to specific or partial avoidance. Partners of Sex Addicts Resource Center (PoSARC) states that sexual anorexics can engage sexually with others or pornography because there is little to no risk emotionally. They are unable or struggle to be sexual or intimate with their spouse or partner because they are emotionally invested in the relationship. Sex addicts with sexual anorexia are terrified of being fully engaged and vulnerable with their spouse or partner.

Sexual Recovery continues to define sex addiction as "a persistent and escalating pattern or patterns of sexual behaviors acted out despite increasingly negative consequences to self or others. In other words, a sex addict continues to act out and engage in certain sexual or romantic behaviors despite negative consequences or risks to health, finances, or personal relationships. For some sex addicts, even arrest or incarceration is not enough to deter their compulsive acting out.

Some out of control repetitive behaviors, which may reflect sexual addiction include:

• Masturbation
• Simultaneous or repeated sequential affairs
• Pornography
• Cyber sex, phone sex
• Multiple anonymous partners
• Unsafe sexual activity
• Partner sexualization, objectification
• Strip clubs and adult bookstores
• Prostitution
• Sexual aversion 

 Shame and guilt are driving forces behind sex and love addiction. According to the Society for the Advancement of Sexual Health (SASH):

"Social: Addicts become lost in sexual preoccupation, which results in emotional distance from loved ones. Loss of friendship and family relationships may result.

Emotional: Anxiety or extreme stress are common in sex addicts who live with constant fear of discovery. Shame and guilt increase, as the addict's lifestyle is often inconsistent with the personal values, beliefs and spirituality. Boredom, pronounced fatigue, despair are inevitable as addiction progresses. The ultimate consequence may be suicide.

Physical: Some of the diseases which may occur due to sexual addiction are genital injury, cervical cancer, HIV/AIDS, herpes, genital warts and other sexually transmitted diseases. Sex addicts may place themselves in situations of potential harm, resulting in serious physical wounding or even death.

Legal: Many types of sexual addiction result in violation of the law, such as sexual harassment, obscene phone calls, exhibitionism, voyeurism, prostitution, rape, incest and child molestation, and other illegal activities. Loss of professional status and professional licensure may result from sexual addiction.

Financial/Occupational: Indebtedness may arise directly from the cost of prostitutes, cyber-sex, phone sex and multiple affairs. Indirectly indebtedness can occur from legal fees, the cost of divorce or separation, decrease productivity or job loss.

Spiritual: Loneliness, resentment, self pity, self blame

These consequences are progressive and predictable. The addict tends to minimize the consequences and tends to blame others for them. Family and friends minimize consequences by believing the addict's promise that the behavior will change. When blaming and minimizing stops, recovery begins. The consequences can become the instruments for change if they can be truly recognized and accepted instead of denied.